Sunday, September 11, 2011

Things To Be Grateful For

This week, I really had no idea what to write about. As I sat in front of the computer screen my mind  drew a creative blank. The past few months have been a blur of activity - book contracts, promotion, writing, lawyer appointments, part-time job, and taking care of my kids and ALL of what that entails, ie. homework, appointments, activities, back to school, making lunches, getting them to do chores, etc., I think I'm just plain old tired! And this being the anniversary of 9/11 and with the 14th of September marking what would've been my 15th wedding anniversary, I found myself in a melancholy mood. So, I thought I'd take a moment to look back at where I've been and rejoice in my life at this moment.

1. Nearly a year ago, my husband and I separated. Hard to believe it's been that long. I've trudged through the last few months as best I could. Divorce wasn't something I wanted, but then neither was the way we were living. I remembered way back in those first dark couple of months when I chatted with the boyfriend of one of my BFF's. He asked me about the situation, and I concluded with, "That may sound dramatic but that's how I feel." His response was: "No, that doesn't sound dramatic. I've read your work and you have a passion that comes through. You deserve to live that passion out loud with someone who will share that with you." Needless to say, I teared up much as I did while thinking of it, as the day he said it. The kind words of my friends have helped me get through many a dark moment in the last while, and I'm so thankful for the kind words of others.

2. Ten years ago, I was expecting my 2nd child when the Twin Towers fell. It was difficult to feel right about rejoicing in his impending birth with so much destruction and devastation, and all the babies that year who would never know their mothers or fathers. But in a couple of weeks, he turns 10 and is the sweetest, kindest young man you'll ever meet. While the world is a lot more fearful place, it becomes increasingly more difficult not to instill that fear in our children. But I remain hopeful that we can make the world a better place for our kids by focusing on bringing them up right.

3. In the past five months, I've received 4 contract offers for my books. Three are short stories and will be published as ebooks, and one novel will be published as an ebook and in print. So far. I'm not done yet by a long shot! I am grateful to have these opportunities to be able to do what I love - write stories and share them with the world. I'm also told that a couple of my erotic poems will be added to an anthology with another publisher. Details on that to come...

4. Men. This may sound weird, but I have many men in my life who I'm grateful for. Some of them have come and gone, being downright creepy, however, they taught me to stand up for myself. My dad has been a great support to me, and I'm so thankful he's still around for me to enjoy his company and for the kids to know their grandpa. I have some really great male friends who have listened, providing advice from a man's perspective when I needed it. They've encouraged me to stand my ground, and made me laugh when I've been down.

5. My girlfriends. I saved the best for last. My fellow Angels have stood by me even though they are all so far away, but your support has meant the world as I went through such a trying time, and celebrating my successes with you is one of the highlights of my year. To all my other BFF's - I'm so thankful to have so many of you in my life who listen, let me cry, share some laughs, and just let me be, well, ME. Over the past few months, I've strengthened my friendships with those already in my life and forged new ones. I'll forever be grateful for what your presence has brought to me and will continue to bring.

To end off, I thought I'd share a poem I wrote the other night while I sat by the fire. Thanks to my muse who has returned with a vengeance!

I sit here outside in front of the fire
with the full moon rising ever higher;
Listening to all the night sounds
in darkness, night life abounds

I sit back, relax and close my eyes
and it never comes as a surprise;
Finding that I wish you were here
whispering naughty things in my ear

Imagining your arms wrapped around me
holding me close, ever so tightly,
on my neck, your lips leave their mark
shivering, I cling to you in the dark

I open my eyes to find I'm alone
put a hand to my heart, and know you're not gone;
Trudge into the house, tuck myself into bed
dreams of you, swirling through my head

It's a work in progress, just as we all are. So tell me - what are you thankful for?