Sunday, November 4, 2012

The Awkward Crush

So, I've been thinking a lot about crushes.

I mean, I get it.
It's a crush.
It's not supposed to feel good, exactly.
It's more like that epic moment before orgasm, when you're perched at the edge of madness, writhing in agony, waiting for the bliss you're sure is coming. The problem with crushes is that their fate is more often like roses than firecrackers.

For example, a few weeks ago I couldn't sleep (no news there) so I went into the living room to browse the DVR and eat potato chips out of the bag (also not a shock). At random, I selected an MTV show called Awkward (research, obviously, since I write YA).
The show was pretty cute. Funny, too, if you like that kind of thing.
But that's not why I kept watching for ten hours straight until my children woke up demanding breakfast (please don't ever tell my husband that).
I kept watching because of this guy:

Beau Mirchoff.

He's twenty-three and plays a sixteen-year-old. (Okay, twenty-four in January. . . Not that one year makes me less pervy, but at least he's legal. Sigh.) With that in mind, here's another photo from his shirtless stint on Desperate Housewives.

I know, right?
He totally wants me.

Anyway, here's my dilemma:
Obviously, we're meant to be together, but I have this rule, you see. I won't eroticize anyone for whom I could have concievably changed diapers. And this tasty snack of manness is twenty-three, ergo, well within babysitting limits for me.

I can't even look at him.
So, so wrong.
And yet. . . LOOK at him!
I keep waiting for the crush to do it's usual thing. . . wither like those grocery-store roses boys bring you on Valentine's day. And sure, so far it's decreased from drool-dripping, lip-biting, heart-thumping obsession to a mere crush.
But come on!
I need to sleep, okay?
I can't be stalking the DVR at all hours, waiting for MTV to re-run Awkward Second Season, Episode 3 so I can watch him take his shirt off again. (Admittedly, the fact that I made notes on this boy's shirtlessness is embarrassing in its own right. Don't tell hubs that either.)

So here's my new rule:
If I could have given birth to a boy, I can't eroticize him.

That opens up a lot of doors for me. I can still have Chris Pine, Joseph Gordon Levitt, Channing Tatum and Ian Somerhalder.
But now I get Beau Mirchoff, too.

Yeah, I'm sure you're all as relieved as I am.

Now, what about y'all?
Who are your dirty little crushes?


  1. I remember him from Desperate Housewives. Very cute.

    My dirty little crush is Zac Efron. Sigh. He has dreamy eyes, a sexy smile, and is a sweetheart to boot. No, I wasn't interested in him in his Disney days (not that pervy), but when I saw him romancing an older lady in 17 again. Oh my. He had me.

    Welcome back to blogging. We missed you. :-)

    1. 17 - oh yeah, Elke I know what you mean ;)

  2. Great post! Well, I admit that I have a bit of a crush on a cover model. No surprise for my facebook friends who have seen his face as my banner, cover pic and now he adorns the backside of my new business cards. I'm really not obsessed - I have no intention of tracking him down on facebook or otherwise. I would like to meet him in person, I'm told he's a sweetheart of a man. However, I fear that 1 if 3 things will happen should I find myself in his presence: 1. I'll begin drooling. 2. I'll queal like a 5 year old at Christmas. Or 3. The intelligent woman I am will vacate the premises and a shy, blushing pre-teen will emerge as soon as he says hello.
    *sigh* That's the problem with a crush, isn't it? They don't know you exist! And I don't know if I want him to, LOL

    1. and this guy is old enough, lol I don't have to remind myself I could have babysat him!

  3. Probably my biggest crust to date had to have been the guy I wrote my 1st book about. He meant a great deal to me in my life and even though to this day he never knew I wrote that story with him in mind, he's probably my biggest crush ever.

    But as far as a celeb, my biggest crush has to be Joe Manganiello from True oh man I would die and go to heaven if I could just get a big hug from him it would be one of the things I can mark off on my bucket list,lol.

    Oh yeah and Jimmy Thomas too but who of course doesn't have a crush on him too,lol

  4. Okay, I have a few (cough cough) crushes and if I told you guys about them then I'd be held accountable. No way. Let's just say that they are all tall, dark, and handsome with me wishing that I could have Seven Minutes In Heaven with every single one of them. None of them are as young as the man in the above pictures and yes, I'm very married...BUT I would still risk the wrath to have a go at one of my crushes. Hey, ya only live once, right?

  5. Okay, you're a better woman than I, for I DO fantasize about young men. Yes, they are all over 20, but as I have a son who's almost 30, that does make it a little odd.

    One day, I was driving down the road and saw this handsome hunk of man walking along without a shirt. (Asking to be stared at, you have to admit - with muscles to die for!) It wasn't until I got a block past him that I realized why he looked a little familiar. That handsome hunk had gone to school with my SON! It didn't make him any less hot and hunky but it did make me feel old. *SIGH*

  6. Taylor Lautner I mean MY GOD! Stupid Bella. I hate the Twilight series and think it's ridiculous but look at him!
    It is totally embarrassing but there it is.

  7. Amanda Gray !! You stole my crush! Taylor Lautner YES! YES! YESSSSS!
    Stupid Bella. I am Team "Shoulda Smacked Her With The Car"...

    If you saw him on SNL, you'd totally understand.

  8. LOL! Taylor Lautner for sure - Yeah, I'm team Taylor, lol Pamela - Team Shoulda Smacked her with The Car" *snicker*

    What I find weird is that now my daughter is in high school, we can both find a guy "cute" or "Hot", LOL I just try not to "fantasize" about anyone I could admit being old enough to give birth to, either!

  9. HA! Apparently it was a work firewall kind of thing. I'm not much for the young 'ens. Mostly because I keep thinking I might have to explain their physics homework or teach them to balance a checkbook. My top five: Shemar Moore, Joshua Jackson, Tim Kang, Naveen Andrews, and Norman Reedus.

    1. Maggie...I got your back on Shemar Moore and Norman Reedus!

  10. I guess it's my sense of fun--NOT old age (my story and I'm sticking to it)that draws me to the adventurous ones. Add an accent (preferably Brit or Australian) and I'm a "goner." I've been struggling lately with "green eyes" for the smooth talking Geico Gecko. He does lack a "tad" in the muscular department but, hey, he's sensitive and loves to travel. My kind of guy. :-)

  11. Appreciate your winsome sense of humor. Thanks for an engaging read. From a male perspective, can still remember the first time I laid eyes upon Courtney Cox, and a few other hotties. Then, just like that, poof! my crush was over! Great to have those moments though when a racing heart gets a nice workout.

  12. Okay, I'm playing catch up...I know I'm late to the party.(Surprise! Surprise!) I gotta agree with Elke on Zac Efron...he was adorable in Charlie St. Cloud, but when I saw him in that Nicholas Sparks movie as the Marine (I'm a softie for a Marine) I mean, that shower scene was luscious. Thor, of course, whichever Hemsworth he is with his gorgeous eyes. And most recently, the guy from The Vikings...the Calvin Klein cover model turned actor. Oh my God! And yeah, I could have given birth to all of them but who cares. In my old office, we 'more mature' ladies had a word for THOSE kinds of guys...we called that 'chicken'! As for older guys...Daniel Craig will ALWAYS be the best Bond in my eyes. And Sam Elliot can turn my insides to butter with five simple words: "'s what's for dinner." :)
    Good one, Cecily!