Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Yeah, that's it. . . Vampires!

Okay. I’ve figured it out.
Vampires. . . that’s the answer.

And what, you may ask, was the question? It’s simple:

The world is full of selfish jerks, busily trouncing the heads of their underlings in a pathetic yet desperate attempt to feel big. So why, in the midst of all that testosterone, do girls gravitate toward MORE testosterone? Wouldn’t you think we’d go for the nice guy. . . the sweet guy? The captain of, say, the Chess Club? First chair in the school band? The one who’ll promise to love us forever and not run off with the next cheerleader who flashes a little sumpthin-sumpthin at him???

But no, we proceed to the nearest schmuck, blithely convinced that this jerk, THIS asshole, is the one we’ll be able to save. Never mind the fact that we’ve failed in our attempts on the last seven-- no make that eight-- assholes we’ve dated. Surely it’s time. Surely THIS will be the one. And so we climb on the back of his motorcycle, tell ourselves that the pink helmet he conveniently has strapped to the back was meant just for us and hasn’t been used by a hundred other girls before, and off we go to lala-land where we try (and fail) to convert this steaming pile of crap into the burning inferno we so steadfastly believe it can become.

And why? WHY? Because deep down, we are in search of our vampire. The man who was good, kind, warm and human. The man who was unfairly ripped from the mortal race, who has suffered in darkness until we cast our light of favor upon him. The one who can be redeemed only by the passion of a good woman. . . A woman like US!!!!

Sigh. Yes, I’ve figured it out. THAT’S why I love paranormals. Because they validate all those mistakes I made in high school. “See,” I point and say. “See, I was right. Edward Cullen does exist.”

“Um, you know it’s just a book, right?” says my husband, who was an excellent trumpet player in the school band.

“Just a book, indeed,” I sigh, taking his nerdy, decidedly un-evil hand in mine. “Come on, sweetie. Vampire Diaries is starting.”

So there you have it.
What do y’all think?


  1. Hi Cecily,

    I love, love, love the analogy. It's SO true. We are attracted to the assholes, while thinking, "I will be the exception," only to be disappointed. I bet it goes back to cavemen days when the woman realized after she was dragged back to the cave, that she'd been jipt. Strength and virility isn't necessarily a good thing.

    Great post!

  2. Ah strike a cord within my own heart! I LOVE VAMPS!!!! I don't write them though, but BOY, do I love to read them! And watch them!

    And you are so right, we are attracted to that man, the one that you know is so wrong, but you just can't help have to look, touch and sigh over every inch of him... to think about (maybe) writing my own vamp....


  3. LMAO - Elke, Trish, and Cecily! Great post btw - Cecily. yes, i do think we women love to play the part of the savior but we need to know when that guy's not going to change. LOL

  4. I agree, that was a great analogy! Maybe that is why vamps are making such a huge comeback, they are the extreme bad boys that woman want to save.

    Oh, and Cecily, I was a pretty good trumpet player in band too! :) Trumpet players rock!

  5. I do agree with you all that, in our early stages of not-knowing-our-asses-from-a-hole-in-the-ground young woman-hood, we are indeed attracted to assholes. But, at some point, we mature...we grow up...whether we want to or not. That's when we begin to realize that guys don't have to be GQ models...or hunky cowboys...or even vampires to be sexy and loveable. But it sure as hell is nice to fantasize about those bad boy - or good boy - vamps or Amber Druids (wink...wink...Trish) that turn our days and nights around like a newborn baby.

    BTW...some of the best times in my life were spent as a drummer in band. And trumpet players may rock, Kasey, my friend...but drummers RULE!

    Great usual Cecily. I'm catching up tonight, so I'm going to go post on the last few I haven't had time to read. My bad, ladies.

  6. Lori, the drummers definitely do got the beat! But the trumpets, we've got the melody! :)

  7. Lori, get out!!!
    You were a drummer? Me too! Although my stint was as a rock drummer in a Nirvana cover band. . . If possible, even lamer than being a high school band geek.
    Ah, good times.

  8. (Hey, who's supposed to post next? I had this fab dream about me, George Clooney, and a talking British llama which, if no one posts soon, is TOTALLY going up. And I DO mean that as a threat.)

  9. Kasey...ahhh...I did love my brass section. We worked very well together. My oldest brother, who passed away, played the trumpet and sang. House of the Rising Son, When a Man Loves a Woman, and The Lonely Bull. Lord, songs like that remind me of him...that guy could play.

    Cecily, I played snare, three-pitch and four-pitch drums. DESPISED concert season, LIVED for marching season...parades, inventing our own kick-ass cadences, ballgames, making out on the band bus on the way to and from games. On long trips, stopping at the same McDonald's as the football team so I could meet up with my boyfriend on the team. When I was in high school...there was nothing nerdy about being in band. All the cool kids were. Never got the opportunity to play a set of drums, but don't think I could have done it. I bow to you, Cec!
    Gotta hear about George and the talking llama...was he a royal? lol

  10. First of all, Cecily, I think you should post that dream regardless of whose turn it is next. I am intrigued now. :)

    Lori, I loved pep band. It was always fun and exciting and Jazz Band was fun too (but mostly because I got out of class to go practice once a week).