Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Yeah, that's it. . . Vampires!
Okay. I’ve figured it out.
Vampires. . . that’s the answer.
And what, you may ask, was the question? It’s simple:
The world is full of selfish jerks, busily trouncing the heads of their underlings in a pathetic yet desperate attempt to feel big. So why, in the midst of all that testosterone, do girls gravitate toward MORE testosterone? Wouldn’t you think we’d go for the nice guy. . . the sweet guy? The captain of, say, the Chess Club? First chair in the school band? The one who’ll promise to love us forever and not run off with the next cheerleader who flashes a little sumpthin-sumpthin at him???
But no, we proceed to the nearest schmuck, blithely convinced that this jerk, THIS asshole, is the one we’ll be able to save. Never mind the fact that we’ve failed in our attempts on the last seven-- no make that eight-- assholes we’ve dated. Surely it’s time. Surely THIS will be the one. And so we climb on the back of his motorcycle, tell ourselves that the pink helmet he conveniently has strapped to the back was meant just for us and hasn’t been used by a hundred other girls before, and off we go to lala-land where we try (and fail) to convert this steaming pile of crap into the burning inferno we so steadfastly believe it can become.
And why? WHY? Because deep down, we are in search of our vampire. The man who was good, kind, warm and human. The man who was unfairly ripped from the mortal race, who has suffered in darkness until we cast our light of favor upon him. The one who can be redeemed only by the passion of a good woman. . . A woman like US!!!!
Sigh. Yes, I’ve figured it out. THAT’S why I love paranormals. Because they validate all those mistakes I made in high school. “See,” I point and say. “See, I was right. Edward Cullen does exist.”
“Um, you know it’s just a book, right?” says my husband, who was an excellent trumpet player in the school band.
“Just a book, indeed,” I sigh, taking his nerdy, decidedly un-evil hand in mine. “Come on, sweetie. Vampire Diaries is starting.”
So there you have it.
What do y’all think?