Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Oh, Daddy!

The first time I went to see Twilight was a dark day indeed.
The preparations began weeks in advance, including (but not limited to) a re-read of the novel, some light website stalking, People Magazine purchase, obsessive outfit selection, new shoe purchase, goth make-up tutorial and, of course, the theft of one of my husband's handkerchiefs so that I might delicately pat the drool away whenever Edward Cullen made a screen appearance. Imagine my surprise when, at the conclusion of the film, I found my kerchief saturated with drool, generated not by the urbane young Edward, but by (wait for it)-- Bella's dad.
That's right, of all the hunky man-meat in the movie, the one who most reliably lit up my nerve endings was not the elegant and talented vampire, nor the hot-blooded werewolf to be, nor even Edward's easygoing vampire brother Emmett (who, let's face it, is way hotter than Edward). It was the boring old guy with the fishing addiction and the cautious attitude.
And so you sit now, confused, stroking your chin and thinking, “WTF, really?”
Don't feel bad for thinking it, either. I, myself, stood paralyzed in front of the popcorn kiosk while my husband patiently tapped his foot and muttered, “Um, can we go now?”
“I just don't get it,” I kept saying. “I like danger. I think vampires are sexy. I would get naked with a werewolf.”
“Well,” he shrugged in the manner of husbands everywhere, “Bella's dad is more age appropriate for you.”
I gasped, hand flying to my delicate, ever-so-suckworthy throat. Age appropriate? Surely my darling husband didn't mean to imply that Hollywood Supermegastar Robert Pattinson would not be honored to make out with me in all my thirty-four year old glory. After all, was I not the same sprightly mischief-maker who had sneaked backstage to talk to Keanu Reeves at an outdoor production of Shakespeare's The Tempest? Was I not the vixen who had woken up (more than once) in the back of a tour bus wearing a British guitarist's t-shirt and boxers? Was my husband truly suggesting that a twentysomething Hollywood actor might be... inappropriate for me?
I gazed at Hubby, the love of my life, as he coaxed the popcorn kernels out of his gums with a toothpick. He stared at his watch, ticking down the seconds in the faint hope that we might make it home in time to put the kids to bed.
I sighed. “Yeah, that's probably it.”

And so it was there, at the Wehrenburg Theater concession stand, that I became a woman.
The sad truth is, I'd take my husband any day over those dashing young vampires (and not just because he looks like Ryan Reynolds... though it totally helps). Hubby's a good man, and a great dad, and his butt is nothing to sneeze at. But most of all, the simple fact is there's just nothing sexier than a man caring for his children.

So, today I raise a bottle of formula to all the other sexy daddies out there. I've compiled a list of my top five favorites. Feel free to add yours.

5. Mark Wahlberg

4. Billy Burke

3. Ben Affleck

2. Hugh Jackman

1. HGTV's Eric Stromer (Give this guy fangs and I might trade in Hubby for the weekend...)


  1. I loved Robert Pattinson in Harry Potter 4 and so I was very excited to find out he was going to be in Twilight. In all honestly, I can say that I didn't find him to be the teen idol so many make him out to be in that movie.

    I kept getting the giggles when he would try his intense gaze or when he was trying to convey he was in pain becasue he wanted Bella so much. That's right...I giggled through most of the movie. I just couldn't help it. Plus Jasper's hair and make-up madem e laught too. I admit it, I liked the first movie, but not becasue it was a great, monumental movie, but because it made me laugh. It was like those cheesy late night movies that I used to watch with my dad that were supposed to be scary or intense, but instead made me laugh. I love them, but becsause of there unintentional humor.

    By the way, in the books I am Team Edward, in the movie....I just like Jacob more.

  2. Oh and by the way. I thought the dad was hot, but maybe becasue I am still in my twenties, I was checking out the younger actors more. :)

  3. Oh Cecily! This post was hilarious!! I only sat through Twilight because my daughter wanted to watch it. I giggled and eye-rolled my way through the movie and had to literally bite my tongue from saying something sarcastic at all the teenage angst, so I wouldn't ruin it for the kids. Time and again, I resisted the urge to scream, "Get over yourselves!"
    I just can't drool over those guys. I mean, I saw Taylor Lautner as Shark Boy in Shark Boy and Lava Girl! Too young for me, although proudly, at the age of 37 I had a young cashier guy hit on me b/c he didn't know how old I was. I didn't tell him b/c I was afraid to traumatize him that he hit on someone old enough to be his mother!
    I like your sexy daddy list. Right now I can't think of another one to add to it, but I'll be sure to post if I do!
    Cecily - I'm sure Robert Pattinson would be happy to make out with you. Just make sure he doesn't call you ma'am. ;)

  4. Great post, Cecily!! Loved it. Though I have to agree w/ Kellie -- the Twilight boys are too young for my taste.
    The topic of hot daddies made me think about men like Tom Selleck in his Magnum PI and Quigley days, or Mark Harmon or Pierce Bronson.
    And Ma'am is such a vile four-letter word.......

  5. LOL!!! I loved TWILIGHT b/c of its pop culture snag and how it got everyone reading. I could care less why teenage girls are reading BUT the reason they were doing it was b/c of TWILIGHT, so I'm happy b/c of that. I also love Edward and Jacob. But I'm very fond of Jasper the way he acted in Eclipse.

    Anyhoo...I LOVE the DAD from TWILIGHT. He also plays on RIZZOLI and ISLES on TNT.

    Cecily, I can tell from your post that your writing is humorous and snappy. And you have good pacing. I grinned the whole time reading it!

    Dads of Hollywood...HMMM...Johnny Depp? Hugh Jackman (of course), Bruce Willis, can't think of anymore yet...


  6. Definitely Johnny Depp and Hugh Jackman. What about Jude Law? Seen him in some daddy pics and he looked fine... Isn't Matthew McConaughey (I had to google him to spell his name right) a daddy, too?

  7. Oohhhhhhh. I'm going w/ Johnny Depp. Yum. He's a hot daddy.

  8. Clive Owen all the way... after my hubby, of course. :)

    Love the post, Cecily. "See" you in class and can't wait till your own story characters hit the big screen.

  9. Johnny Depp is hot! I don't know if he has played a dad in too many films, in fact I am drawing a blank. The closest one I can think of is Finding Neverland and he wasn't a dad but more of a friend to the children.

    I haven't seen Eclipse yet, so I am not sure how Jasper acted. I know I liked New Moon than Twilight, so I am hoping that I am hoping that each movie gets better than the last.

  10. Ooo, Clive Owen!!! That's it, I'm officially bumping Mark Wahlberg. Johnny Depp, definitely droolworthy! And I think I just want to stroke Matthew McConaughey's biceps. As long as he doesn't speak, we should be okay... Jude Law is too scrawny. I fear I might break him.

  11. Cecily, I'm bruised inside...you don't like the sound of Matthew's southern Texas drawl???? Being from around the same area makes me feel horrible!! ;)

    I forgot about Clive Owen.


  12. I love his southern drawl. "Well, all right, all right." :)

  13. Oh, Trish, darlin', I LOVE the SOUND of it... Just not always the content. Like a big, pretty puppy, that one.

  14. LMAO! Absolutely loved the post, Cecily. I have to say I saw Twilight and I also found it quite comical with all the adolescent girls swooning in their seats and of course some of the mothers too.

    The Twilight boys are cute but what's with Edward? I mean come on, he's a vampire not an alter boy. I think Lestat should pay a visit to Forks.

    Now for the dads...hmmmm? Hugh Jackman and Johnny Depp for sure. OHHHH and Tim McGraw! There you have your sexy foreigner, sensual eccentric, and the southern charmer. If the world goes through an apocalypse and women volunteers were needed for repopulating it with only these guys...there wouldn't be any issues about whether or not the human race would survive. :)

  15. LOL JD! Ooohhh... Tim McGraw! Love it!
    Kasey - I can totally hear his voice with that "All right, all right..." Wouldn't mind hearing that in my ear every night. *sigh*

  16. Thanks for clarifying Cecily...hon...! :)

    J.D., Oh, I know, my biggest problem with the TWILIGHT vamps is that they don't have any fangs??!! W T F?? I want fangs! I want them to bite! Where is the fun with them gumming your neck?? LOL!

  17. Oh Cecily, I laughed my ass off the entire time I read this post. If you're not published yet, you should be, honey! Sorry it took me so long to get to this. I won a fantastic critique package from Grand Central Publishing at RWA and had to get it sent off by tomorrow morning. I sent it in this afternoon so now I can get back to frivolous (and more enjoyable) activities like the ACA blog. I LOVED Billy Burke in Twilight, and on that list of yours, give me the guy with that tool belt any day! My hubby is wonderful, and he's really great at starting projects around the house, but the poor darlin' is lousy at completing those same projects. Send me Eric Stromer and I can definitely put his sexy ass to work...in more ways than one!

    I enjoyed Twilight, but I like Jasper better than anyone else on there. Can I just say that Jacob's voice annoys the hell out of me? He sounds like a male version of the Valley Girl.

    I'm all about 'Age Appropriate' men for the list, such as: Dermot Mulroney (If you didn't see "The Wedding Date" ... watch it!)
    Dylan McDermott (Has steadily improved since playing the role of Julia Robert's pretty husband, Jackson, in "Steel Magnolias")
    Tom Selleck has already been mentioned, and if you've seen my website, you know how much I admire him. I also want to add Samuel Pack Elliot (Yes, that's Sam Elliot's real name) Just hearing that sexy voice of his makes me want to eat a big steak. Hell, he makes me want to buy the entire bull! Hot damn!

  18. LOL Lori! congrats on that critique package. hope you get some good feedback!

  19. I just thought of a new hook for America's Beef Industry. Sam Elliot saying, in that rich, deep, masculine voice of his.."You may want to bring home the bacon for breakfast, but when it comes to dinner...bring home the BULL!"

  20. Awesome post Cecily! I read it, but it's better with the photos. OOHH LALA!

  21. Cecily, what a great post! Very witty! "my delicate, ever-so-suckworthy neck" was one of my favorite lines. Gavin Rossdale (Mr. Stefani) comes to mind for hot dads, as does a classic when he's not sportin' a beard-Brad Pitt. Keep up the writing. You're talented!

  22. That line made me laugh, too, Sherry!

  23. Hey Jen..I also agree with you about Mark Harmon being sexy. He's the reason I keep going back for more of Navy NCIS week after week. And to all you thirty somethings out there...hate to tell you this, but one of these days you'll all get used to hearing the word ma'am, and not when your 85 year old mother is around, either. Dammit-getting old really sucks the big one!